Stop Waiting for Permission: Do What You’ve Been Resisting

Whose permission do you need? Really, it’s not a trick question. Who needs to give you the nod of approval before you can start a business, start dating after a bitter divorce, or write the book you’ve been talking about for the past nine years? Whose approval are you desperately seeking? Your spouse, a boss, friend, or expert in your field? Unless you’re six years old, you don’t need anyone’s permission to create a better, fuller, richer life for yourself. Of course, it doesn’t always feel that way. Someone has to tell you you’re good enough and smart enough, right?

Well, no actually. We cling to the (irrational) belief that we require approval before we can achieve because it’s safe. It gives you a fabulous excuse. You can tell others, and more importantly, yourself, that it’s out of your hands. It can help you sleep because it gives you the illusion that you’re not in control. And if you’re not in control, it’s not your fault. But if you want to do more than sleep well and want to start living well, you need to make a decision. Are you going to put your success and happiness in your hands or someone else’s?

This message hit home for me last week. I presented to a roomful of actors and artists at a Screen Actors Guild event. Talk about an industry built on the need for approval. If you’re an actor, you need a casting director to tell you you’re good enough. If you’re a musician, you need a record label to give you their seal of approval. And if you’re a writer, you need an agent or publisher to recognize your genius. This is true for all actors, musicians, and writers . . . except those that have decided they don’t need to wait for anyone to tell them their art is worthy. These are the artists that don’t wait, they create. The ones such as Zak Ambrose, Craig Benzine, Christina Perri, Oren Peli, or this Way”Maria.

Not an artist? Not a problem. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. The freedom that comes from discovering you don’t need anyone’s permission is yours for the taking. But how can you break free from this destructive and limiting belief?

Get conscious. It’s time to name names. List a goal or aspiration and write down next to it all of the people for whom you are secretly waiting approval. If you’re having trouble, ask yourself this: who needs to tell me that I am old enough, young enough, experienced enough, smart enough, attractive enough, thin enough, funny enough, or creative enough? Maybe you’ve been waiting to get a boyfriend before you travel across Europe. Why can’t you go alone? Whose permission are you seeking? What about dropping your current job and switching to a career that inspires you?

There are two truths. The first is that nobody will ever give you permission. The second is that you don’t need anyone’s permission. Success doesn’t come to those who wait for it. Success doesn’t even come to those who ask for it. Success comes to those who fight off the naysayers and push forward without a permission slip.

It can be incredibly scary (and life changing) once you realize it’s up to you. Regardless of the story you sell yourself, it always has been up to you, and it always will be. What would happen if you woke up tomorrow and decided you didn’t need anyone to give you permission? What’s the first thing you would start? Really, it’s not a trick question.

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Source: Huffington Post

20 Quotes on Dealing with Button-Pushers

Use these quotes to diffuse button-pushing effects.
Published on August 22, 2011 by Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D. in Here, There, and Everywhere

We all know the type.  The people that seem to instinctively know just how to irritate and anger us.   Everyone has buttons that get pushed, and everyone has at least one button-pusher in his or her life.  Read on for quotes on how to deal with those people that just know how to drive you up a wall.

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” – Carl Jung

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity.” – Dale Carnegie

“Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They’re only powerful when you got your back turned.” – Eminem

“Seek the best in everyone that you meet. Seek the worst when dealing with yourself.” – Sasha Azevedo

“If you have some respect for people as they are, you can be more effective in helping them to become better than they are.” – John W. Gardner

“Respect…is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.” – Annie Gottlieb   (Okay, so they may be unique at how well they can push your buttons.) 🙂

“If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done.” – John Lubbock

“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.” – Unknown

“If it was necessary to tolerate in other people everything that one permits oneself, life would be unbearable.” – Georges Courteline

“In all men is evil sleeping; the good man is he who will not awaken it, in himself or in other men.” – Mary Renault

“We are constantly being put to the test by trying circumstances and difficult people and problems not necessarily of our own making.” – Terry Brooks

“It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are.” – Matt Lauer

“I cannot make the universe obey me. I cannot make other people conform to my own whims and fancies. I cannot make even my own body obey me.” – Thomas Merton

“Parents know how to push your buttons because, hey, they sewed them on.” – Camryn Manheim

“Everybody has a hot button. Who is pushing yours? While you probably cannot control that person, you CAN control the way you react to them.” – Unknown

“I just know how to deal with the players different now. You’ve got to learn as a coach, and especially first year with new players, which buttons to push, and how to push them, and when to push them.” – Sam Mitchell  (Ahhh…so that’s why they do it!

“No, … He doesn’t push buttons.” – Darth Vader
(I think we can safely assume that no one would want to push Darth Vader’s buttons.)

“I am trying to push people’s buttons and see how they respond to things.  We are trying to create tension situations like in a game and trying to get guys to fight through some of that stuff.” – Brian Joyce

Kellerman: “Why do you push her buttons every chance you get?”
Lewis: “Because it is so easy.” – Homicide: Life on the Street

“Don’t push my buttons without reading the manual.” – Gadgetmobile, Inspector Gadget

 

www.stephaniesarkis.com

Copyright 2011 Sarkis Media LLC